So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
