I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
