it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize