it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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