does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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