Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
