she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
