dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
