Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
