Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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