How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
