Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize
