just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
