just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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