i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
