I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
