sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
