PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
