im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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