That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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