He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
