And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
