On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
