Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize