we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
