Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
