So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
