JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
