Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
