none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
