We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
