So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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