Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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