He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize