Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
