whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
