You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
