you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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