i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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