singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
