somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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