A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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