so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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