Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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