last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
