Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
