you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I AM VODKA MAN
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
