things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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