u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
