my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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