I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
