I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
