Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i believe in u and ur pee
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
