Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
