I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
