she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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