Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my shit smells like andre
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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