I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
