At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
