Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
