Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
