THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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