I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
