It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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