You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
