I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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